i have hard to make something new make and that you don't get me

I just don't understand why people don't understand me if I clearly trying to say say something like that my language that I own speak is also bad because I have problem with reading and texting even that I have this handicap in me and it let me on Focus with me but no matter what I just said I think that no one really gets me so I don't know why and I don't know what I can do about because I try and I try to explain it even if I have troubling to understand tutorial because I can only understand in this way that I want to clearly mean it I can only understand by step by step like baby steps and just talking and just doing at the same time ing it makes it more like an timeline it's like you do a something for me me and I going after you so that I learn it in that way but you said to me me in that way I will learn much faster how I can can learn something new however if you just want to say that I have to better learn English and that I cannot even do about it if my English is always so bad add or that's the same way with my own language because I cannot help it I just can't help it if you want me better till understand me then I use my voice but no matter what I just said to you no matter what I try you just forcing me me to stop up and just don't make any mod you want me to do as I also know that the software that you use it's really a brilliant idea even though that I have credits on it it and it just basically fun School I have not learnt that kind of stuff of math or other things that is with the doing off that software is because in Netherlands as in handicap school you don't get anything to learn all that kind of stuff the only thing that you get the learn is just like 2 + 2 = 4 or 6 - 3 = 3 or even 1 × 1 = 1 as like this way or the ABC see is not like what you doing to learn in other way in My Kinda way I get it like the learn as in child way to learning I had don't have an diploma because in handicap school you don't get diploma you just done with school plus as an handicap in the Netherlands how many caps are not allowing to go to a normal school it's because there are few things that handicap cannot learn as same in normal school and not only that handicap can only go to school if if they're going to the handicap to school but as me I cannot go to a normal school even that I'm 27 years old then Netherlands has another rule the age of 18 to 27 you can go to the University School so if I want to learn something like what you guys want me to do I need something that I can do that is why I choose for this software to help me in a new way to get something to make myself smarter and something like being busy because I don't have any friends and not only that is because people treat me very badly like pain suffer and still used as a psychological problems even that I can not being do about it and you just don't want to listen you don't want to care about it it and I know that the website has to on respect for everyone how else can I live with something that I don't know what to do tell me this reason how else can I learn something new even if you don't know about me even if I have to do it like short spelling or shirt making and texts I can only explain in this way as you don't want to understand me me and don't care about it and that is disrespectful to someone that cannot do it good in their life I've been 18 years having no friends to understand me me in any kind of way I've been on trusted by anyone that I understand or that I forgiven by someone else I don't trust anyone because I've been through that me so badly that I don't want to talk to anyone that I don't want to have a friend and I don't want anything just move on a learning something near that's my goal that's the only thing that I care about if I cannot make any friends and people don't understand me in both language and people don't want to help me me and I have to do everything on my own then what is my life about it it if I cannot do the things what other people ask me to do even if I try so hard I know there are other people that very hard life but I have mostly been hurt in my life if so much hurt that I don't want anything in my life like I feel more in emotionless that's fine you just want ignore this so be then  so much not answer I will last do anything in my life and just watching YouTube and that is all what I going to do in my life and nothing to do learning and no friends no communicating and let me self to come and insanity even you don't listen then way I take to not learn anything.